I don’t know what’s been happening with me lately. I feel secluded in my little word, all alone. I’ve have this growing disdain for human life in the recent months. Like, I’m just sick of people. I’m sick of hearing people whine and cry about shit. I’m sick of standing in line for coffee and listening to someone drone on about their petty, stupid problems.
I was at Barnes and Nobles tonight and I was trying to decipher and understand this woman’s conversation. It wasn’t like I was stalking her or trying to hear what she had to say. I just heard bits and pieces and I didn’t quite understand what she was going on about. Something about how she knew someone was lying and hiding something but then she said it was all speculation? How can you know if something is true and evident if it’s all speculation? I don’t know why I let that stuff bother me. It’s not like I’m trying to let it bother me. It just sticks in my head. I can’t shake it.
The selfishness of people really hurts me. I hate selfishness. People are inherently selfish by nature and it really makes me want to scream. I have no idea how other cultures are in this world but I feel Americans have this self-entitlement about them that just radiates selfish behavior. Me, me, me. Always. It drives me crazy. I even see it in military veterans (which literally breaks my heart) when they talk about their VA claims. “I had to wait one year to get my claim.” Whaa. Boo-fucking-hoo. Some veterans didn’t get shit and are standing on the exit ramps of freeways with signs asking for money. With nearly 900,000 open claims in the system, yeah, it takes a little time. Calm the fuck down.
I have totally changed my life around where I just living simple. Nothing fancy. I have my tv and my Xbox and my laptop and that’s all I need. I used to live in my car and I’m considering going back to that life. I don’t want to live in an apartment surrounded by white-trash degenerates. I don’t want to hear another complaint out of these selfish jack-asses who only care about themselves. I want to be left the fuck alone. I’m sick of having to remind these fucks from across the hallway to quit blowing cigarette smoke towards my apartment. Why won’t they stop? Because they don’t care about anything but themselves.
I’ve battled on in this world. I’ve fallen a few times and I’ve been kicked around, scraped up but I always got back up to continue fighting. When is it time to throw in the towel? When is it time to wave the white flag and surrender? What’s it worth to continue fighting? Fighting for what? Slave wages under a corporation that doesn’t give a shit about whether you come or go? When is enough simply enough? When can I take the gloves off and sit in the corner and let the referee count me out?
I would appreciate the referee to come to my corner and ask me politely if I give up, I will promptly look him in the eyes and nod my head.