As I sit here thinking of the past.
I know not of what the future will bring.
All I know is that I love you so.
I always wonder what you’re doing, near or far.
My thoughts are jumbled, confused, and thoughtful.
But I can not seem to put it all together.
The thing is…I missed the opportunity. Will everything in the future turn out for the best? I’m in a doubtful stage in my life. I’ve seen this all before. And how cliché, “it’s not you, it’s me.” plays out in my head over, and over, and over again. My world is over one more time.
This time I wanted things to be different. But for a difference, change had to happen on my part. I tried. I really did. But with this I learned one sad fucking reality. I’ll always be alone as long as I’m who I am. A sad, sad existence to nothing. I need you now than ever. Tonight would be a good time to make things different.
My tears stream down my face, not for you, but for me. For my ultimate unhappiness. For my thirst for love unquenched. For my sadness and loneliness. My heart beats for every opportunity to see your smiling face. And all I can imagine is the happy times with you while you repeat all the miserable times I’ve caused with my changed persona. I’m not the man I once was, and for that, I cry in darkness.
My sadness and my pathetic character gleam through with a hint of forever.
There is no one to blame but me. In the end, it’ll work out, I’m sure. For you.
I walk with a sturdy, broken step. Broken in a way that most will never know.
Happiness is a warm gun.